Thursday, March 09, 2006

SPRING BREAK

Oh yeah!

It's about time! I finished all my academic obligations this afternoon and am currently so worn out I could fall asleep on the keyboard.

Break means that I'll have time to post substantial entries again!

In the meantime, in honor of the beginning of spring break and my journey home I'm going to post one of those forwarded emails I was just sent today. Yeah, most of it is actually pretty true

Oh how I love my home

Enjoy!

For those who are from Baltimore,
still live there, have traveled there,

and/or plan to travel through there in the future...

BALTIMORE ROAD RULES

First, you must learn to pronounce the city name.

It is Bawl-mer, or Ball-da-more,

depending on whether you live North or South of Route 40.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.

If you live near Howard County and your map is one day old, it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules...

"Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore. We all drive like that!

All directions start with "The Beltway"... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from
5 a.m. to 11 a.m.

The evening rush hour is from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot
.

When you are the first one on the starting line at a light, count to five when the light turns green before moving ahead to avoid crashing with all five of the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

However, if you don't go as soon as it turns green, you will get the horn...

Construction on I-97 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment Interesting that it's called "an Interstate," but runs only from the Beltway to Annapolis.

Opening in 1992, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. (Does former Governor Glendening have any relatives who build highways?)

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in GLIMBURNIE! (Glen Burnie.)"

All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks have the right of way. Period!

And the same goes for all old men wearing hats!!!

All roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections (
8th Avenue
and Dorsey Road is a good example). (IN GOOD OLD DOWNTOWN GLIMBURNIE)

If asking directions in
Ellicott City or Columbia, you must know how to speak Korean.

If in Randallstown, Ebonics will be your best bet.

If you stop to ask directions in Brooklyn... well, don't.

A trip across town (north to south) will take a minimum of four hours, although the tunnel does have
on occasion, more than one lane open, but never on holiday weekends.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissified.

The Beltway is our daily version of NASCAR.

If you drive to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens
Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.

If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness, run over him. It's probably not his yard, anyway.

WELCOME TO BAWLMER, HON






4 comments:

Claire said...

LOL. I've seen that a few times before and it's always made me giggle. And that's why I don't drive in Charm City, hon.

Anna Clare said...

That brings me much joy, as I've been trekking down to Maryland much more often of late than I used to. Dang, it's all so true.

MC said...

Haha! That one was funny! Yes Howard County does build a lot and I guess you could consider it our version of Nascar, since most people (including Mom and Dad...and YOU!) do drive fast except the out-of-staters.

Claire said...

Substantial entries, eh?

lol, kidding, since I'm not really one to talk at the moment. Hope you're enjoying your spring break!